My Personal Reboot

What Do You Choose to Become?

That’s what has been running through my head the past few days after watching someone dive deep into depression and anger over the past few weeks. How long do you stay angry at the injustices you’ve experienced in the past?

victimchoice2The more I start to examine this, I’m starting to believe you are a victim when IT happens to you. Whatever IT is. After IT, that’s the real test of your mettle: you can either stay a victim or become a Survivor.

That doesn’t mean your anger has to go away, or will go away. But maybe it’s more about what you choose to do WITH that anger that becomes important. There are Survivors who work -HARD- to process what happened to them and move beyond it. Move to a place where they no longer judge themselves by IT happening.

IT becomes a (small) part of who we are, a tiny thing that makes up the larger SELF that is thriving and vibrant and moving towards freedom. They take their anger and they DO something with it.

But… then there are Survivors that can’t seem to understand that they’ve Survived. They’re still lost in their victimhood. They’re still fixated on their wrong, and allow their anger over being wronged to drive them forward (when really they’re regressing backward). Never to grow, never to move past IT.

We are a culmination of our traumas and our triumphs, and triumphing over a past trauma is a journey that never seems to end, but can get better and become incredibly rewarding with hard work.

What kind of Survivor do you want to be?

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My Personal Reboot

So, Who do You Think You Are?

 

The other day Mike asked me, “Who do you think you are?” And thankfully, he didn’t expect an answer, he only had a point: does the person we think we are sync up to the person we really are?

And I thought for a while and decided that I think I am brave, I think I’m funny, and I think I’m honest. But is any of that actually true?

I went sky-diving to celebrate my birthday last year. I thought the moment I let my instructor drop us out of that plane and plummet to earth was one of the bravest things I’ve ever done. It made me feel invincible and it made me have more faith in myself.

skydive

I’m able to jump out of a plane, but I’m unable to have a raw, difficult conversation with someone I love. The moment an argument starts, I’m out – I’m a coward and I walk away from the conversation, I walk away from someone that cares about me because I can’t stand under the weight of their emotions.

And I see how selfish of a reaction that is – because I can’t handle confrontation I take away the other person’s right to have one – that isn’t brave, that isn’t honorable at all.

So I’m going to change – I want to really be the person I think I am, the person I wish I am.

I want to live a life that’s more than myself, more than any selfish desires, more than what I’ve come to prioritize as an adult. I’m ready to shed the parts of myself I don’t like and focus on my strengths, then I’m going to use my strengths to help others.

That’s not who I think I am right now, but it’s who I want to become and I have to believe that I can make this happen.

So maybe I’m brave enough to admit I’m unhappy with the person I’ve become, but I also know the person I’ve become is strong enough to do something about it.

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